TDA : Photo Shoot Follies
by Astra M
Summary: Trouble abounds for almost everyone during a fashion magazine shoot. A "missing episode" from between TDDDDI and TDA. Main pairings: :Duncan x Courtney: :Trent x Gwen: and others.
1. Chapter 1

_**Total Drama Action fanfic – "TDA: Photo Shoot Follies"**_

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Disclaimer: TDI/TDA copyright Fresh TV, Inc./Teletoon. This is a derivative work based on the _Total Drama Island_ series created purely for entertainment value; no profit is being made from its dissemination.

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_Author's Note: I know people don't like lengthy notes at the start of a story, but I had to give due spoiler warnings. I'm framing this as a missing episode that occurs after the TDDDDI special and somewhere at the very beginning of TDA's filming. So relationship tensions from this time period are present. Since as of this writing TDA is yet to make it stateside, please don't read this story if you don't wish to be spoiled! No, there won't be a lot of TDA references, but some are here by necessity. Sorry, folks._

_Secondly, I decided to use the script writing technique during the confessional scenes, because I thought it might better capture the feel of a real TDI episode. I hope it's not too off-putting._

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Chris stood smirking down at the faces of twenty-two teenagers - some blank, most sullen, and a few downright hostile - but all of whom were nevertheless intently focused on what their celebrity host had to say. His smirk grew even broader as he momentarily basked in the undivided attention... until the distinctive sounds of lip sucking floated up towards him. _All right - make that twenty_, he mentally amended as he caught sight of Geoff and Bridgette, who were once again wrapped around each other. He shook his head. _Teenagers._

"Yo Chris, mind telling us why you dragged us out here?" demanded Leshawna, ever cranky in the early morning. "The sun's not even up!"

Next to her, Gwen stifled a yawn. "Not that I care, but I thought this was supposed to be a challenge day." She looked across the stage at the other bank of sofas. "So what are _they_ doing here?"

"The Queen of the Undead has a point," groused Noah. He raised his fingers in mock quotations. "Since _we_ didn't 'qualify' for this latest round of abuse, shouldn't we be given a pass on these pointless wake-up calls?"

"Is it cutting into your beauty sleep?" taunted Duncan.

"_Ooo_, witty," retorted Noah. Behind him, Cody looked questioningly over at Chris.

"But Gwen's right. I thought our group was just supposed to be watching from the sidelines, not directly involved in anything anymore." He narrowed his eyes. "So why are we here, too?"

"I'm _so_ glad you asked!" chirped Chris, all the more gleefully as he knew it would grate on their nerves. "Allow me to fill you in...."

He walked over to face the sofas where the eliminated eight sat.

"While it's true that Cody, Eva, Ezekiel, Katie, Noah, Sadie, Tyler and _Courtney_ (he paused to wink knowingly at the glowering girl) are out of the running for the million dollar prize, it doesn't mean that you're free agents. You're all still under contact - as our legal department will helpfully point out to you."

_Bloody freaking fine print!_ thought Courtney savagely.

"And that means even you all can be called on to appear in publicity events like photo shoots... such as the one we're about to do for _Sixteen_ magazine's fall fashion issue!"

There was a round of gasps from both sides of the stage. Then Lindsay shot to her feet. "Oh my gosh, Chunk, are you kidding?"

"Not at all," Chris sighed. "And - once again - it's _Chris_."

Ignoring him, Lindsay clasped her hands and began to hop in joy. "_Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh!_ I'm going to be on the cover of _Sixteen!_ Now I've really got to get my roots done!"

"Roots? Who gives a damn about roots?" snarled Heather, who suddenly looked panicked. "I need a whole new _wig!_"

"Why bother? Just go into the janitor's closet and borrow the mop for a bit."

"Shove it, you home-dyed horror!"

"_Hold_ your horses, people!" interrupted Chris, just as the argument between Gwen and Heather threatened to turn nasty. "You're getting way ahead of yourselves. I didn't say that everyone here is going to be a part of the shoot... necessarily."

"Say what?" said Leshawna, who had a (very light) restraining arm on Gwen.

"The sad news is that they only need eight people," said Chris with a helpless shrug. Then he broke into a grin. "But knowing how disappointed you'd all be if you didn't have a fair chance at making the cut, I thought I'd be diplomatic... and let you all compete for it!"

"Oh, forget that," said Gwen, who immediately sat back down. "I don't even want to be in it to begin with."

"Me neither," scowled Eva. She glanced over at Katie and Sadie, who had been caught up in a non-stop squeal since Chris's first announcement. "Let these other airheads knock themselves out in frivolous girlishness."

"Nice try, ladies, but you can't get out of it that easily," smirked Chris. "Everyone is going to try out - no exceptions!"

"This sucks," muttered Eva darkly, looking downwards. Noah frowned skeptically at Chris.

"Why bother? We all know how these things _really_ work," he scoffed. "Ultimately those magazine jerks are only going to want the good-looking people - which cuts down on about half of 'talent' pool right there!"

A wall of silence greeted this comment. Then Duncan raised a fist threateningly.

"I can make it so that _one_ person here fits that bill permanently!"

Noah ignored him. "And it also means there are actually only seven slots available."

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_**In confessional**_

Justin: (winks)

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"Hmm... _true_," acceded Chris as he thoughtfully scratched his chin. "But then again, _Sixteen_ had some very specific requests. First, they wanted couples only. No solo shoots. And second..." The sly grin returned to Chris's face. "They wanted certain _stereotypes_."

"Stereotypes?" wondered Ezekiel aloud as he carelessly picked his nose. "Are they allowed to do that in this day and age?"

"Let's not go there, Homeschool," mumbled Chris quietly. Then he raised his voice. "Actually, it just means that there are specific looks they want. It's no different than how you yourselves would self-identify. They even helpfully sent us a suggestion list."

At that moment, Chef Hatchet walked out on stage to hand Chris a folded piece of paper, and the two of them exchanged a conspiratorial wink. "So using those parameters, plus all the information we've gathered from the last few months of observing you, Chef and I have already done the dirty work of pairing you all up!"

"Emphasis on the _dirty_," muttered Heather among the chorus of grumbling that rose up.

"Why can't we pick who we're partnered with?" asked Trent as he glanced worriedly at Gwen. He wasn't too thrilled at the idea of seeing her paired off with another guy so suddenly. They'd barely been going out for more than a week as it was.

"Can we request who we _don't_ want to be partnered with?" added Duncan as he glared across the room. Courtney felt a stab of fear run through her veins as his icy blue eyes caught hers. Then anger overwhelmed her and she brusquely turned away, showing him a cold shoulder. Duncan grit his teeth. _Damn, she still creases me so..._

"Sorry, guys - it's a done deal!" cackled Chris as he unfolded the paper and gave it a once-over. Then with a smug grin, he sized up all the expectant faces - minus two. He rolled his eyes.

"Okay, if someone would _please_ pry Geoff off of Bridgette for a minute... thank you, D.J. All righty then! These are the pairings:

**Couple #1: Geoff and Izzy**

"All right! First out of the gate!" whooped Izzy, pumping her fist in the air. "And by the way, call me E-SCOPE!!!"

"Er... what are we talking about?" wondered Geoff.

**Couple #2: Ezekiel and Bridgette**

"Um, did we miss something?" asked Bridgette, glancing around at her fellow sofa-mates.

"Not a thing," sneered Duncan. "Go back to sucking face."

For a moment the blond couple blinked confusion, waiting for an explanation. Then they shrugged and resumed kissing passionately.

**Couple #3: Tyler and Eva**

There was a collective sigh of relief from the male half of the audience - all save for Tyler, who gulped. Then he bravely gave Eva a shaky thumbs up.

She flipped him off.

**Couple #4: Trent and Lindsay**

Trent sighed and looked down at his girlfriend. "Sorry about this."

"Sorry for what?" wondered Gwen. "It's not your fault - Chris is the one calling the shots here. It's not like you picked someone else over me."

Trent smiled softly as he leaned in. "But I was _really_ hoping it would be you," he whispered in her ear. "So... sorry about that."

Gwen returned a coy smile as her cheeks turned red. "In that case... apology accepted."

They were about to sneak a kiss when Lindsay unexpectedly broke in between them.

"All right, I'm finally going to be with TYLER!"

**Couple #5: Owen and Leshawna**

"Yeah, baby!" whooped Owen upon hearing the news. "This is going to be _awesome!_"

"I guess," shrugged Leshawna, who was watching Chris with increasing suspicion. Other than the farting, she didn't have a problem being partnered with Owen... but darned if she could see the reasoning behind some of these pairings.

_What in the world is that smug jerk playing at?_

**Couple #6: Harold and Heather**

"Absolutely NOT!" yelled Heather as she leapt up and stormed over towards Chris. "Why the heck am I being paired off with that... that... _uber-geek!_"

"And proud of it!" said Harold primly.

Chris merely smirked. "It's funny you should say that, Heather. But for the record, we really are trying to make this as fair as possible."

"You call this _fair?_" seethed Heather as she clenched her fists. "What kind of messed-up magazine is ever going to want to use a couple like us for a _fashion spread?_"

"I'm guessing the same messed-up magazine that would want a spread featuring this next pairing..."

**Couple #7: Duncan and Gwen**

"Geez, _thanks_ Chris," muttered Gwen as she shot him a dark look.

"Whatever," said Duncan. _At least that's over with_ - being partnered with Gwen meant that he wouldn't have to deal with Princess anytime soon. "I'm fine with this - after all, it could have been _a lot _worse," he added loudly, glaring back across the stage at Courtney, who jumped and quickly looked away.

Duncan frowned. Was it just his imagination or had she actually looked... disappointed?

He closed his eyes. _Yeah, right._

**Couple #8: Cody and Beth**

_Darn. I was hoping I'd end up with someone a lot cuter_, thought Cody as he glanced over at Beth. _Still, a gentleman ought to be gallant with all the ladies..._

"Er... hey, partner!" he laughed weakly. "I guess this will be kind of interesting, eh?"

Beth smiled back faintly before looking down at her shoes.

_Shoot. I was really hoping I'd end up with Justin_.

**Couple #9: Katie and Sadie**

"Oh, yeah!" squealed Katie, who immediately threw her arms around her BFFFL's neck. "That means we get to stay together again! _EEEEEEEEEE!!!"_

"Yay, I'm so happy!" squealed Sadie, who enthusiastically returned the hug. _EEEEEEEEEE!!!"_

"Huh? But they're both girls!" cried D.J. in sudden alarm. "Chris, if you take them out of the pool, that means -"

**Couple #10: Justin and D.J.**

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_**In confessional**_

D.J.: (disgusted) Oh, snap. I just _had_ to go jinx myself!

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There was an audible gasp of surprise as everyone turned to look at the new "couple." D.J. sunk his face into his hands, but Justin merely shrugged.

"It's no big deal," he said carelessly. "It's just modeling. It's not like we have to do anything."

_Thank goodness for that_, thought D.J.

"They did ask for a guy-guy couple. Sorry, dudes, but them's the breaks," explained Chris consolingly. "In any case, that leaves us with:

**Couple #11: Noah and Courtney**

Noah and Courtney, who happened to be sitting next to each other, cast each other a speculative look. Surprisingly, neither had anything cutting to say about that. For once.

Observing this, Duncan raised a brow.

_For some reason, this is creasing me even more..._

_----------_


	2. Chapter 2

**Scene Two**

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Much later that morning, all eleven "couples" had reassembled inside a large studio that had been designed to look like the interior of a high school. Surrounding them were a cafeteria, a library, a gym and several classrooms, and most everyone was exploring the sets with varying degrees of interest.

"Oh, wow!" exclaimed Katie as she walked around inside the fake girl's toilet. "Doesn't this look just like the set of _Heavenly High?_"

"Totally!" gushed Sadie. "I just love, love, _love_ that show!"

"You do? Me too!" her friend instantly agreed. "It makes me wish I were in high school!"

Courtney, who happened to be exploring the adjacent study hall, rolled her eyes and turned around. "Ladies, you already _are_ in high school," she reminded them.

"Oh, right!" laughed Katie. "But still, wouldn't it be so cool to star in a real high school drama?"

"Yeah," agreed Sadie. She had a dreamy look in her eyes as she clasped her hands wistfully under her chin. "I could be the sweet, innocent transfer student who gets caught up in a love triangle between the mean head cheerleader and the hottest guy in school!"

"And then I could be the mysterious hottie with a past who suddenly appears midway through to throw everyone into chaos and hook up with the hunky quarterback by season's end!"

"_Wait_ a minute!" Sadie turned on Katie with narrowed eyes. "What makes you think _you'd_ be the one who gets the guy?"

"Duh!" scoffed Katie. "The bad girl with a heart of gold always gets the guy."

"Nuh-uh! It's the good girl who always gets the guy in the end!" insisted Sadie. "And you only showed up midseason anyway!"

"So what? There's no rule that says a new character can't become a lead!"

"Oh, so you're a _lead_ now?!"

Regretting that she'd already wasted this much time listening in on their argument, Courtney shook her head and turned back around. To her surprise, she spotted Duncan leaning over a desk a mere few feet away and instantly felt her heart jumping into her throat. For a moment she wondered if she should just quietly turn and walk the other way. But then pride got the better of her.

_Honestly, show some confidence, Courtney!_ she reprimanded herself. _It's just Duncan, for crying out loud. There's nothing to be worried about. You've dealt with scarier opponents on the class council, so you can certainly handle him. Besides, just because you've kissed him a few times is no reason to feel awkward..._

_Or left him laying in the dirt with a twisted ankle so that you could make off with a million dollar prize._

Courtney hovered indecisively. Fight or flight? But just as she was deciding that discretion might be the better part of valor, she noticed that Duncan appeared to be deeply absorbed in writing something. She peered at him curiously._ Just what is he up to...?_

Duncan quickly straightened up and slipped his pocket knife into his pants, a familiar smugness on his face. With a jolt, Courtney realized that he'd undoubtedly been carving something into the desk's surface.

She forgot everything as she stormed up to him.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Courtney cried. "You can't just carve your initials wherever you please!"

At first Duncan appeared startled to find her breathing fire up at him, but a cocky smirk quickly slid into place. "Why not? This is supposed to be a high school set. I'd say it lends a bit of authenticity." Then the smile fell off his face as he eyed her coldly. "And what's it to you anyway?"

They angrily regarded each other in silence. Then Courtney turned away first and stalked off, her nose held high in the air. Duncan glared briefly after her before turning to walk off in the opposite direction.

Stepping out from behind a bookshelf, Noah checked to see that the coast was clear before walking over to the desk that Duncan had been vandalizing. Once satisfied that he was relatively safe, he leaned in close to inspect the carving.

At first he raised a brow. Then he sneered.

"Well, well, well... isn't _this_ interesting?"

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In the center of the cavernous studio, a plain tarp with a white backdrop had been set up in front of a camera. Two strangers along with Chef were waiting here, and most everyone had congregated nearby when Chris finally raised his megaphone.

"Attention folks!" he barked, drawing everyone's attention. "Now I know most of you were wondering about the reasoning behind your, ah, 'partnerships.' As I told you this morning, you're all going to be portraying certain stereotypes - which, dare I say, Chef and I both feel the majority of you have demonstrated a _pronounced_ affinity for."

They all exchanged glances, unsure what to make of that.

Chris continued. "So here's the set-up. One by one, I'm going to reveal the cliché each pair has to represent. Then it'll be up to you to listen to the photographer as he gives you direction to get into your roles. While you're posing, his assistant, Chef and I will be taking notes, judging the results to decide which four couples will make the final cut. _Capisce_?"

Surprisingly, no one said anything. Chris couldn't help looking around the wall of blank faces, expecting at least one indignant outburst - but then he was distracted by spotting Geoff and Bridgette, who were making out against a locker. This time, he smiled.

_Ah... memories._

"O-kay! Since no one has anything to add, let's get this _show on the road!_" Chris whipped out the list from that morning and snapped his fingers. "And the first theme pairing up is..."

**Couple #1: The Free Spirits**

"Speaking of which... someone go get Geoff."

There was a small scuffle at the back of the crowd followed by the plunger-like sound of lips being abruptly wrenched apart. Then D.J. emerged grasping a dazed Geoff by the arm.

"You're up, my man," he said as he gave his friend a firm shove in front of the camera.

"I am? Cool..." said Geoff as he struggled to get his bearings. "Er... what are we doing again?"

Izzy, already poised for action, grinned crazily. "Takin' pictures and makin' copies!" she told him before looking over at the camera. "Hey, director man! What do you want us to do?"

The photographer, a droll sort of fellow by nature, merely waved his hand in a bored manner. "You're the 'wild ones,' right? So go on - act wild."

Immediately, Izzy dropped to her knees and let out an ear-piercing howl. She proceeded to roll on her side and run her tongue over her extending leg, much like a bathing cat. Geoff quickly took a step backwards.

"Like this?" she asked between licks.

"_Wrong_," snapped the irritated photographer. "Kid, I'm looking for wild, not insane."

Witnessing her blank expression, he tried a different tack. "Look... just pretend you're on a beach somewhere warm and tropical, like Hawaii. You're having a blast on the beach, okay? Sand, surf, and sun - it's the best party you've ever been to in your life."

"A _beach_ party..." Lighting up, Geoff quickly got into the spirit of things. He could easily imagine himself on a surf board, hanging ten with the waves crashing and Bridgette in her wet suit. Feeling inspired, he grabbed an unused folding chair from among the onlookers and slammed it down on the tarp. Leaping on top, he threw out his arms as he precariously balanced on the rocking legs, mimicking the action of a surf board.

"Way to go, Geoff!" yelled Bridgette appreciatively from among the spontaneous chorus of cheers.

He threw her a hasty thumbs up. "Oh, yeah, baby! Rock on!"

Watching Geoff's antics, Izzy seemed to be struck by an inspiration of her own. "Oh, right - a _Waikiki_ style beach party! Yeah!"

She abruptly disappeared from the set and reappeared a minute later carrying something wrapped in a towel. Shucking off the covering, she revealed two batons and a lighter.

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_**In confessional**_

Beth: (surprised) I'd been wondering where those things had gotten to!

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Before anyone could react, Izzy lit the ends of the batons and threw aside the lighter. Then she began rapidly twirling them around her head and body, somewhat akin to an out-of-control fire dancer.

"I call this... The Dance of the _Blazing_ Rattlesnake!"

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_**In confessional**_

Izzy: (laughing) I've been secretly perfecting my technique!

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"_Stop, Izzy!_" cried several people at once, all of them former Screaming Gophers.

"Not until you've seen the finale!" she laughed wildly. "And I already told you, it's _E-Scope!_"

Izzy heaved the blazing batons skyward. They flew high overhead in a graceful arc, showering sparks over the set and horrorstruck audience, until they struck the overhead scaffolding and flared like a roman candle. Falling back down, they hit the backdrop which immediately ignited, sending a wall of flame shooting towards the ceiling.

"_Holy crap!_" screamed Geoff as he fell forwards off the chair, his cowboy hat ablaze. There was an immediate mad scramble for the exits as the sprinkler system activated.

"Everyone, take five!" hollered Chris as he dove underneath a cafeteria table.

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Once the studio had been reasonably mopped up and the torched backdrop replaced, Chris called the reassembled cast back to attention.

"All right! While Geoff is getting checked out by the paramedics and the fire marshall is busy questioning Izzy, we'll just move right along," he announced. "And so, the next pair up is -"

**Couple #2: The Nature Lovers**

Ezekiel and Bridgette took their places in front of the camera. The photographer, who appeared somewhat shaken, got straight to the point:

"For this shot, I want you to imagine that you're hikers taking a nice, _safe_ stroll in the woods. It's a bright, sunny day and you're simply enjoying the peaceful beauty of Mother Nature. As you pass through the trees, you come across a clearing and - there! - you suddenly spot a mother deer and her fawn grazing a few feet in front of you."

Easily envisioning this, Bridgette mimed her delight at encountering the deer. But her tender smile melted into shock when Ezekiel raised his arms high besides her, clearly re-enacting the aiming of a shotgun.

"Hey!" she cried. "What do you think you're doing!?"

"Taking aim," answered Ezekiel matter-of-factly as he mimicked pulling the trigger. "Good-bye, mama deer... _Bang!_"

Bridgette gasped as Ezekiel lowered his "rifle." "How could you?" she demanded. "She even had her baby with her! Why would you do something like that!?"

"Well, 'cuz I'm a hunter," he answered simply. "And that there's a fine piece of venison, eh?"

A look of revulsion crossed Bridgette's face. Then she wheeled angrily towards Chef and Chris. "Guys, how can you call _him_ a 'nature-lover'?"

"But I am," insisted Ezekiel as he took a few steps forward and kneeled on the floor. "I love wildlife."

"Love? _How?!?_"

"I love to shoot it, skin it, stuff it and mount it in my room. Sometimes I like to wear it, too, especially when the pelts are new. And also work with the antlers, bones and entrails. There's a lot of useful things you can do with a nice, fresh piece of sinew..."

A greenish hue overcame Bridgette's face as she clenched her hands over her stomach. Then she inadvertently noticed Ezekiel's hand motions. "W-what are you doing now?"

"Dressing it out, of course," he explained. "You should help me, eh? It'll spoil in this heat if we don't work fast."

Bridgette clamped a hand over her mouth. "Oh, I am _so_ not going to be a part of this," she choked out before running off the set.

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**Couple #3: The Jocks**

As soon as Chris announced them, Tyler eagerly jogged out in front of the camera, flashing victory signs with his hands, but Eva tromped behind more slowly, looking even surlier than usual. When she finally took her place besides Tyler, she aimed a ferocious glare at the onlookers (most of whom quickly looked away) until her gaze came to rest on the photographer. He gulped.

"What are you looking at?" she snarled.

"It's a photo shoot - he's _supposed_ to look at you," reminded Chris helpfully. "Now try and smile pretty for the birdie, Eva. Don't forget that frowning only adds wrinkles!"

For a dangerous moment Eva seemed on the verge of a violent response, but she grit her teeth in a valiant effort to curb her temper. "_Fine_," she grumbled after a minute, sounding much calmer. "What do you want us to do?"

The photographer breathed a sigh of relief.

"You're portraying athletes, so act like you're in the middle of practice for a competition," he directed somewhat hesitantly. "Just try to look fierce, okay?"

Tyler glanced hopefully at Lindsay, who seemed busy giggling with Beth about something Justin was doing. _Yes - a chance to show off the results of all those extra hours I've been working out!_ Grinning confidently, he began hopping lightly from foot to foot while punching the air like a boxer.

"Yo, Lindsay!" he called out. "Check out _this_ action!"

Tyler let loose a rapid series of punches and feints while jumping frenetically about the floor, finally ending the performance in a wild uppercut. Then lifting his arms in mock victory, he quickly twisted back to face the audience - and, overbalancing, instantly face-planted at his partner's feet.

Most everyone cringed - except for Lindsay, who was looking confusedly in the opposite direction. "Um, did someone just call me?" she wondered.

Eva rolled her eyes as she gazed pitilessly down on Tyler's prone form. Then she got an idea as she mulled over the photographer's advice.

_Look fierce, huh? I can do that._

Without preamble, Eva bent down to pick up Tyler and promptly got him in a headlock. She smiled grimly as he struggled futilely in her grip.

"How's _this_ for fierce?" she growled as Tyler's eyes began to bug out.

"_Ooo_... nice expressions," commented the photographer's assistant as she made a mark on her clipboard. "So realistic!"

"No doubt," chuckled Chris, adding his own note. "Great form, guys!"

"_Mommy_..." wheezed Tyler as he slowly turned purple.

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**Couple #4: The Cool Kids**

After Tyler had been carried off to join Geoff in the paramedic's van, Trent leaned over and winked at Gwen. "Be back soon," he told her as he moved to join Lindsay, who was already waiting excitedly in front of the camera.

Gwen smiled as she watched him leave. She would never admit it aloud, but she was secretly pleased about the photo shoot: it was the perfect opportunity to shamelessly ogle Trent. It was still hard to believe that such a cute guy was really her boyfriend... but she knew she'd have no problem getting used to it.

"Now see here, people," began the photographer, who was starting to look a bit frazzled around the edges. "All I need - all I _want_ - is for you to be calm and normal, okay? The theme is 'cool,' so just be chill. _Please_."

Lindsay nodded. Trent merely shrugged. Then without further direction both struck poses, Trent smiling easily with a his hand thrust casually into a pocket, Lindsay twisted sideways with a flirtatious expression in her eyes. Observing them, Gwen lifted her brows in surprise. Although it was the typical kind of stance affected by models everywhere, somehow with these two the look came across very naturally.

"Well, _this_ is more like it," mumbled the photographer in a pleased tone as he began snapping away. For the first time the shoot took on a professional air, as Trent and Lindsay moved easily through a series of relaxed poses, both remaining remarkably poised throughout even as they were being endlessly repositioned and shouted at.

Observing their progress, Gwen found herself growing tense. The bossy photographer and continuous bulb flashing was getting on her nerves. Yet Trent, whom she was certain didn't care about any of this, was plainly unperturbed. _How does he do that?_ she wondered as Trent flashed a good-natured smile at something the pushy photographer had said. How was it he could stand being scrutinized so personally in front of a crowd of strangers and not get annoyed? What was it about him that made him so... well, _cool?_

"Good-looking couple," commented the photographer off-handedly to his assistant, who nodded in agreement. "Easy to work with, too. And it doesn't hurt that they're so photogenic together."

Feeling vaguely troubled, Gwen looked away.

----------

After the Trent/Lindsay shoot wrapped up, Owen eagerly took his place on the mat, filling up so much space that Leshawna was crowded off to the side. Not that the excitable teen noticed - he was too pumped at the possibility of being in a magazine spread.

"Yeah! I'm so psyched! We're going to be in _Sixteen_!" he exclaimed to Leshawna. "Isn't this awesome?"

She didn't respond. Instead her arms were crossed and she was looking sourly at the photographer and assistant, who were having a loudly whispered conversation behind the camera.

"I'm not sure I can fit them both into the frame," muttered the photographer. "I'd have to do a panoramic shot to capture all of this."

"I'm sorry; I thought the proposition letter I sent out to these people was pretty straightforward," she murmured back. "I just didn't think that the subjects they selected would be so, er... wide!"

Leshawna's eyes narrowed even further. It didn't help that she was already steamed enough from hearing the name of their so-called theme:

**Couple #5: Large and In Charge**

Her temper nearing its peak, Leshawna directed her irritation at their weaselly host. "Yo, Chris - about that title. Should I be flattered... or insulted?"

"Flattered, _definitely_," piped up Harold unexpectedly from where he stood gazing at her in appreciation. In spite of herself, Leshawna almost smiled. But she was too annoyed at the moment to be touched for long. She leveled a hard gaze at Chris.

"Straight up, man - is this your way of saying 'large' as in 'bodacious,' or 'large' as in _'big-boned'_?"

To her chagrin, Chris's grin broadened. "You can take it either way, Leshawna... but, yeah, it's primarily a plus size shoot," he admitted readily.

"With D minus talent," chimed in Heather who suddenly popped up besides him, looking nastily delighted. "Nice work calling that one, Chris!"

"_Excuse me?_"

"Don't listen to her, Leshawna!" broke in Gwen as her friend scowled furiously. "And forget all that 'plus' size stuff, too. Size doesn't matter. Screw _Large and In Charge._ Instead think of it the way you really are - 'Big, Bad and Beautiful'!"

"Oh, get real!" sneered Heather. "The way she really is? In that case they'll have to rename this to 'Loud, Boorish and Ugly'!"

"If you're talking about calling things the way they are, why don't we start with renaming _your_ shoot to 'Starved, Shrill and Surgically-Enhanced'?" shot back Leshawna.

There was a general intake of breath and a few people began to quietly back away. But Heather was not one of them; she instead strode forward to get up in Leshawna's face.

"Oh, _so_ clever. But since we're going that way, at least I'm not a _short_, _stout,_ _shrewish show-off!_"

"And at least I'm not a _bitter_, _back-stabbing_, _bald-headed b-_"

There came a timely fart from Owen that covered up Leshawna's last insult, and another tense moment of silence passed as the two girls stared each other down. More people got up to leave. Heather's scowl turned icy.

"I'd watch what I was saying if I were you, you jumped-up, Goodwill-glam, self-glorified guttersnipe!" she hissed. "And while we're on _that_ subject, do you honestly think they're going to want to feature your sorry bargain-basement wardrobe in a magazine?"

"Watch it _yourself_, you nasty, overbearing, navel-baring narcissist!" retorted Leshawna. "And don't go trashing my fashion-sense, either! I'm phat with a capital P - always have been, always will be!"

"No, you're just F-A-T, _period!_"

"Oh, that is _it!_"

There was a general stampede for the exits as Leshawna launched herself at Heather. "Everyone, take _another_ five!" yelled Chris as the fists began to fly.

----------


End file.
